Bella Says Relax
by herinfiniteeyes
Summary: Inspired by the Age of Edward contest. Vamp Edward forms a boy band in the 80s with Jasper and Emmett. 16 years later, he meets Bella and her mom, who just happened to be quite a big fan. This is meant to be silly and fun, so enjoy!


**A/N: _The Bellies are accepting nominations for awards, and I'm not sayin' but I'm sayin...if you feel inspired to go nominate one of my stories, please do so. I'm totally begging you, actually. Mama needs to win an award! _**

**So I originally wrote this for the Age of Edward contest before I saw it had to be AH/AU. AHHHH! The first time I've ever written them as vampires, and it's not allowed! What a bummer. You can believe I totally kicked myself repeatedly when I figured it out. **

**So, instead, this is just a silly one-shot that is meant to be funny. It's just for fun, so I hope you enjoy it! **

**Adrena is my sexy beta. I lurve her. **

**Notes: See the end of the story for songs used in this chapter. I had to listen to lots of synth pop and 80s hip hop to get in the mooooood for this. Haha. I hope you enjoy!**

_**EPOV**_

_December 1984, Miami, Florida_

"Uh uh, Emmett. No way!" I replied as I shook my head.

Emmett dropped on his knees and folded his hands together as if in prayer. "Dude, come on, _please_?"

I stared into his pleading golden eyes and then turned to look at Jasper. "Can you believe this? He really wants us to form a _boy band_ so that he can get chicks? This is the worst scheme he's ever come up with!" I said in disgust.

Jasper grinned and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Oh, come on, Edward. We've been going along with Emmett's get-chicks-quick schemes for the past seventy years or so; what's one more?"

I grimaced as I recalled all the other harebrained schemes I'd suffered through over the years: the time he dressed me up as a woman and tied me to the train tracks so he could make a silent film about saving my life, or the time he made us pretend to be the lackeys while he played the mob boss during the Prohibition, and then the last time when he abandoned me in the Grand Canyon and then manned the televised search for his 'retarded little brother.'

Emmett scooted closer to me on his knees. "C'mon, bro. It'll be just like the last time. Wasn't that fun?"

I let out a short bark of laughter. "You mean how I got spoon-fed by 80-year-old nurses while _you _got laid by that vamp nurse Rosalie?"

That took a little steam out of his sails. "Yeah, it was _so _fun," I finished sarcastically.

He looked around at Jasper for some help. "Okay, well if you won't do it for me, then do it for our main man here. He needs to get laid worse than I do!"

Jasper flipped him off and looked away in disgust. I shook my head. "You can't even _sing_, Emmett!"

He stood up and brushed his knees off. "Whatever, it doesn't matter. Look at those stupid New Kids on the Block! They sound like a bunch of seven-year-old girls crying into tin cans!"

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, dude. The point is..."

He cut me off. "The point _is _we are all fucking hot and that's all these girls care about! I could sing like Kermit the Frog so long as I have these abs!" To illustrate his point, he pulled up his shirt and flashed the abs we'd all seen _way _too often.

Jasper decided to take sides then. "Edward, it'll be fun, don't you think? We'll travel, make some money, and meet some new faces..."

I looked him in the eye. "We've been all over the world more times than I can count, we have more money than we could ever burn through, and we meet new faces every thirty years or so. These are _not _good enough reasons to get me to do this!"

I turned and started to walk out of the room before I heard Emmett say, "That's all true, but look at it this way: we're probably going to live for a long, long time, Edward. Does it _really _matter how you spend the next couple of years?"

I stopped short and thought for a moment before dropping my head in defeat. Apparently I should try to hide my boredom with life a little better. I grunted in disgust and turned back with a sneer. "Fine, I'll do it."

Emmett and Jasper laughed and I stalked out of the room.

_Two years later...November 1986 in Seattle, Washington_

"OH MY GAAAAAAWD! I LOVE YOUUUUUUU! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!" screamed the sweaty masses of pubescent girls pressed together as we walked past.

I kept my eyes trained on the red carpet as I followed behind Emmett's Adidas Superstars. I couldn't meet the eyes of these girls...these girls who turned into a seething mass of voracious monsters whenever we emerged from our limo. I shuddered to myself and tried to find the motivation to do this one last show.

After tonight, we would be disbanding the group and returning to our regularly scheduled lives. Well, at least I was returning to my boring existence; Emmett was moving to New York to shack up with that vamp nurse he'd hooked up with decades ago and Jasper was about to announce his engagement to the stylist we'd met on our first tour around the United States.

I tried to push away the swirling mass of loneliness and disgust that threatened to choke me. I smoothed my hand over my Mike Score hairdo and flinched when I heard one girl yell: "Eddie! Edddddiiie! Kiss my baby!"

Against my will, my eyes looked up and saw a young woman standing there with a chubby toddler in her arms. The woman had dark brown hair and eyes, just like the child. She saw me looking and renewed her fervor. I felt Jasper chuckle and shove me in her direction, and I stumbled over awkwardly. "Oh, please, Eddie! Please kiss my daughter!" she begged.

Against my better judgment, I approached the woman and was hit by a delicious scent that hadn't taken hold of me like this in quite some time...blood. At first, I thought it was the woman's blood singing to me, but as I got closer I realized that it was the _baby's _blood calling out to me. I felt the venom pooling in my mouth and I wanted nothing more in that moment than to snatch the baby away from the mother who was so unaware of what she was asking of me. _Kiss my baby! _A vampire should _never _hear that kind of request, and yet here I was...

I had never felt so creepy in my life, but I sucked in a deep breath of fresh air and held it as I bent down to place a swift peck on the baby's chubby pink cheek. The baby, totally unexpectedly, looked up at me and giggled before reaching out to grasp my perfectly coiffed hair. I flinched and grimaced as she tugged and the woman slapped her daughter's hands away. "Bella, no! We don't touch Eddie's hair!" she scolded. I mumbled and walked away as quickly as possible without ever taking another breath, but not before I heard the woman yell, "Thank you, Eddie!!!"

Jasper shot me a funny look, likely sensing my conflicting emotions over this unexpected craving for an infant's blood, but I just shook my head and didn't breathe until I got inside away from the tempting scent.

I took a deep breath and walked onto the stage to take my place. I looked over at Emmett and watched as he preened his ridiculous Jheri curl in a mirror Alice was holding up; he looked like a fool. Jasper came out with a can of Aquanet and began spraying down his own hair, which also made him look ridiculous: it was short and spiky in the back and had a longer hunk hanging down over his left eye. When Alice came over to do touch-ups on my Flock hairdo, I grumbled. "How much longer until I can wash this crap out of my hair, Alice?"

She laughed and it sounded like a happy breeze. "Don't worry, Edward...soon soon."

She patted my shoulder reassuringly and walked off so we could do our sound check.

The band had been together for two years now, and it was amazing to see how quickly we'd gone from obscurity to super stardom. We all had our typical boy band roles: Emmett was the heartthrob, Jasper was the shy nice boy, and I was the young pretty boy. I scoffed internally and went to take a seat in front of my synth while Jasper grabbed his keytar. Emmett didn't bother to play anything, preferring instead to work the screaming masses with his microphone and his slick dance moves.

After the sound check was complete, we went backstage and waited to make our grand entrance onstage after everyone had crowded inside. I'd gone along with this farce long enough, and now I was ready to return to my quiet life among my books and classical music. I never wanted to hear a synthesizer ever again, let alone _play _it; I preferred the natural beauty of the notes I could elicit from my grand piano.

We were in the green room behind the stage and I could already hear the frenzy building. After tonight, I could melt back into the obscurity of my previous lifetimes and enjoy the quiet solitude I hoped would still be waiting for me there.

"Ready, bros?" Emmett said while he clapped his hands together in his 'pump it up!' way.

I stood up and Jasper came over to engage us in a group hug. "It's been fun, guys," he said quietly.

I couldn't help it anymore; I broke up and laughed until my sides hurt. "Emmett, I can't _wait _until the 80s are over. I hope you shave that horrible mess off your head."

Emmett grinned and primped his hair a bit. "Whatever, Ed. You're just jealous because _you'd _fly away if a stiff wind hit ya," he shot back.

I chuckled and ran a hand over one of the stiff wings, careful not to mess it up because I knew Alice would only come back with the gel. "Yeah, no kidding. What was this guy _thinking_ when he came up with this hideous style?" I asked.

Jasper flicked his neck so the hank of hair over his face swung out of his eyes. "I, for one, totally dig this hairstyle. Maybe I'll keep it and bring it back in about twenty years when all the kids are starting to feel nostalgic for the 80s."

I watched Emmett don his American flag jacket while Jasper found his blue sequined blazer with the black satin lapels. I straightened my keyboard tie and pulled on the single white glove that had become a new fashion trend.

The stage manager came and called us to get ready for our entrance, and we quickly took our places. The platform we were on was beneath the stage right now, but it would rise through the hole in the stage and we'd emerge from a cloud of dry ice smoke.

I heard our names announced and the platform began to rise. When the platform stopped, we were surrounded by the deafening screams of thousands of hormone-laden teenage girls. Emmett ran forward and lifted his microphone to greet the crowd as I went to take my place behind the synthesizer. I punched out the first few keys of the song we always started with, and the crowd went insane.

"Hello Seattle! We're The Bad Boys!" Emmett shouted. I smirked at our cliché band name.

Jasper shot his "shy" smile at the crowd and more desperate screams erupted. He slung the hot pink keytar over his shoulder and joined me in the beginning notes of our song as Emmett stepped back, braced his legs apart, and dropped his head.

I switched to playing the notes with one hand so I could raise my hand in the air and pump my fist. When Emmett's cue came, he looked up and started dancing. He looked like a jackass, but these girls were eating it up by the spoonful. He began singing and when Jasper joined in at the chorus, the security guards had to push girls back so they wouldn't hurt themselves.

We played for an hour, and the noise in the stadium never dropped below a dull roar. It was difficult to quiet an entire stadium, but we managed to do it for our special a capella version of our most popular song, "Your Love is Rad."

We sat on the stools silhouetted by the spotlight and began to sway as the girls in the audience cried and lit up their cigarette lighters. Jasper was the best singer among us, so he began the song:

"_Girl, you know your love _

_could never be bad, _

_but when you say _

_we can't be together_

_it makes my heart sad._

_Please, girl, you know I love you_

_because your love is rad..." _

_Sixteen years later...September 2002 in Forks, Washington_

I reclined the driver seat in my sleek silver Volvo and allowed the soothing notes of Maurice Ravel's "Miroirs" wash over me. I was about to begin a new year as a senior at Forks High School and I was dreading it.

Being a new kid always seemed to bring out the worst in me. At every new school I attended, I was either labeled the "pale freak" or, even worse, became highly sought after by all the hormonal teenage girls.

I briefly recalled the experience I'd had last year as a junior at a high school in Puyallup, Washington. The girls at that school were crazy just like everywhere else, but this one girl just could not seem to leave me alone...

Victoria had stalked me throughout the year I'd spent there before finally trying to break into my house and attack me because I'd turned down her invite to the Tolo dance. After escaping her without any unnecessary harm coming to her, I told Carlisle and Esme we would have to move again.

I guess I should have known better than to block out her darkest thoughts that tried to flood my mind whenever she was near.

I checked the time and gave an irritable sigh as I turned off the engine and climbed out of my car to face yet another new school.

The first half of the day went by relatively quickly. There were uncomfortable stares and even more uncomfortable thoughts from the other students as I passed them in the hallways, but nobody had said anything to me yet. I knew the hardest class would be Biology, which I had after lunch, but only then because I'd be forced to work with one of these hormonal _children_.

Lunch was spent in my car, listening to George Antheil. I was very into Modernist composers right now. I had a copy of Sartre's _Being and Nothingness _to flip through while I waited for the bell to ring so I could head to my next class. I looked up when a car door slammed loudly right next to my car and saw a beautiful young woman with long brown hair and fair skin pass by me with an excited grin on her face. She was on her cell phone, chatting animatedly and I perked my ears out of curiosity to find out what she was talking about.

"...so then I said 'Why don't we have the first dance with an 80's theme?' and they all loved it, Mom!"

I snorted and picked up my book once more. Living as long as I had, I'd already spotted the cyclical nature of trends that never really seemed to go away. The 80s were making their comeback, and I found it quite hilarious to see a second wave of bad hair and even more horrible nu-wave synth pop. I chuckled to myself as I got lost in my book once more.

When the bell rang, I made my way to class and found I was the first to arrive. I took a seat near the front and watched as the kids filed their way in and found seats. I saw the girl from the parking lot come in looking a little calmer than she had at lunch, and I knew the instant she spotted me that she was going to sit next to me. I braced myself for her cheerfulness, but once she sat down, I forgot everything...

Where I was, who I was, what I was doing here...everything faded as I inhaled her sweet scent. It stirred a memory in my mind, but I couldn't quite place it. All I knew was that her blood was calling to me, making the venom pool on my tongue as I longed to lean over and take a bite of her sweet young flesh. My eyes were undoubtedly turning an inky black at this point, so I braced myself and looked away from her, all too aware of the hunger battling my steadfast self-control for dominance.

"Hi, I'm Bella," I heard her say softly. Her sweet breath wafted over to me and it only added to the desire already pumping through my veins.

I clenched my eyes shut and focused on all the reasons why I shouldn't drag her out of here right now and feast on her blood. I saw Esme and Carlisle's disappointed faces, I saw my blood-red eyes, and then finally...I saw this girl's dead body lying drained and silent forever, and I knew that I could control myself if I could just keep my focus.

The decision made, I steeled myself and turned toward her. I hoped my black eyes wouldn't scare her, but I gave her a weak smile anyway. "Hi, I'm Edward," I replied.

She looked surprised, as if she'd given up on hearing my answer to her greeting. Her face broke into a beautiful smile and she said, "Hi, Edward. Are you new?"

I nodded and she seemed to brighten up a bit. "That's cool. Well, welcome to Forks, I guess."

"Thanks," I said with a small smile. _See, that wasn't so bad_.

The teacher walked in and we turned our attention to the front as the lesson began.

For the next four weeks, being around Bella got easier and easier. I found I could finally breathe in her presence without the threat of overwhelming need for her blood, but I soon developed a problem of another sort: I was beginning to have feelings for her.

She wasn't shy or reserved by any means, but she wasn't one of those overwhelmingly excited or ditzy girls, either. She was talkative, interesting, and lively. She always had some funny little story or smart remark whenever we worked together in class. I found I enjoyed spending time with her, but I didn't know what to do about it because I'd never once asked a girl out in all my years on this earth.

I struggled with my growing infatuation, but Bella seemed completely unaware of me as a guy. It irked me that I could be pestered by so many of the other girls hardly worth mentioning at this school, and yet I couldn't seem to gain the attention of the one who actually stood out in my mind.

And then one day after class, Bella completely surprised me. "Um, Edward? Could I ask you for a favor?" she asked, sounding nervous.

I nodded and she licked her lips as if she were trying to get up the courage to ask me for something incredibly serious. "Well, I was wondering if you could...I mean _would _you be willing to tutor me in biology?"

My heart clenched in disappointment as I stared down at her. "But I thought you were doing really well?" I asked, confused.

She bit her lip and blushed, never meeting my eyes. She was acting completely strange, unlike her normally outgoing self. "Um, well, I was, I mean I _am_, I just see how good you are at it and I was thinking that maybe you could help me do even...better?" she finished, making it sound like a question.

I wasn't sure why she was being so strange, but I didn't really care so long as it meant I'd get to spend more time with this refreshing girl. "Yeah, okay," I said.

Her head shot up and she looked at me with a huge smile. "Really?"

I nodded and she looked like I'd just agreed to pay her a million dollars. "Thank you _so _much, Edward! Here, I already wrote down my address and phone number in case you said yes."

She handed me a folded slip of paper and I accepted it with a small grin. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow." She nodded happily and I watched her leave with hope beginning to rise in my chest.

The next day, I decided to just follow Bella home after school and help her then. Her mother would be home, so it wasn't as if it would be inappropriate or anything. I parked my car behind hers and followed her into the house. I was nervous about meeting her mother, but when she came into the living room and saw me, she pulled up short.

Something about her seemed familiar, but I couldn't place it until she laid a hand on her chest and inhaled sharply. I started to read some jumbled emotions in her mind, but I was totally surprised when she spoke: "Oh my gosh, Bella! Your friend looks _just _like Eddie from The Bad Boys!" she exclaimed.

I froze. A memory of our last show surfaced and I suddenly saw in her mind a horribly embarrassing version of me kissing her baby..._Bella_. I hid my groan of mortification and quickly tried to avert my eyes from her.

Bella laughed and looked back at me. "My mom used to be _obsessed _with this silly boy band from the 80s," she explained to me. I nodded as if I understood and shoved my hands in my pockets, feeling awkward. "Anyway, Renee, this is Edward Cullen. Edward, this is my mother, Renee."

Renee laughed. "_His _name was Eddie! Wow! Are you related to him?" she asked.

I tried to think quickly. _This _was exactly why vampires should never become famous. I internally cursed Emmett as I searched for a plausible explanation, but Bella beat me to the punch. "No, Mom, his dad is a doctor at the hospital and he just moved here. I doubt he even knows who The Bad Boys are," she said while executing an eye roll that only teenage girls could perfect.

Renee laughed and waved a dismissive hand. "Of course, of course. It's just uncanny how much he looks like Eddie, though. I'll go see if I can find a picture and show you what I mean."

I waited until Renee retreated before I turned to Bella and tried to change the subject. "So...where did you want to work on Biology?" I asked, feeling self-conscious.

Bella smiled and grabbed my hand in hers. I felt a jolt of awareness slide up my arm before I remembered I probably shouldn't have let her touch me. She spun around and looked at me with a tiny frown. "Edward, your hands are _freezing_! Why didn't you tell me? Here, let me take you upstairs and then I'll grab us some hot chocolate."

I followed her mutely up the stairs and into a bedroom I assumed to be hers. The walls were a light robin's egg blue and her comforter was a deep purple. I was suddenly feeling very nervous, but before I could request a change of venue for the studying, Bella had retreated back down the stairs to the kitchen. I looked around for a chair and found one tucked under a large computer desk in the corner, so I grabbed it and took a seat a safe distance away from the bed.

When Bella came back up the stairs carrying two mugs of steamy hot cocoa, I accepted one and pretended to warm my hands on it. She plopped down on her bed and I was just about to say something when her mother came in with an armful of what appeared to be photo albums and cassette tapes. She smiled triumphantly and held them up before laying them gently on Bella's bed. "I found all my old Bad Boys stuff!" she said excitedly. "You two should look at some of it; it's pretty funny, especially when you see how awful I looked back then!"

Bella and Renee shared a laugh before Renee shot me a wink and retreated, closing the door behind her. My mouth dropped open as I wondered how this crazy woman could feel so safe leaving her fragile little daughter all alone with me, a dangerous predator.

Then I remembered that neither Bella nor her mother had any idea of what I truly was. Bella grabbed one of the albums and started flipping through it. She began laughing hysterically and she beckoned me over to join her. "Edward, you've _got _to see this! I can't believe my mom thinks you look like this guy!"

I would have blushed in shame if I could have, but I reluctantly joined Bella on the bed and looked down at pictures of my former self. My hair looked like a crispy, stiff bleach blond version of bird wings and I was wearing black eyeliner. Jasper had a long blond mullet and Emmett's Jheri curl glistened under the studio lights. We were all wearing matching acid wash jeans and black button up shirts with every single button done up. I cringed inwardly.

It was our first album cover entitled _Girls Beware_.

How amazingly embarrassing. I wanted to melt into a puddle of horror as I sat by Bella and flipped through the collage of horror that was my life sixteen short years ago. She picked up one of the tapes and went over to the stereo on the desk. She popped in our second studio album, entitled _To the Maxx _and pushed play, and I wanted nothing more than for a hole to open in the ground and swallow me. She looked at the track list and she snorted. "Oh _my god_! These song titles are incredible! 'Your Love is Rad,' 'Summer Girls' and 'I'm Not Too Young for Love'."

I cringed miserably. While I'd written the music for the songs, Emmett and Jasper had come up with the creeptastic lyrics.

If only I could invent a time machine and go back to rip myself apart and burn the bits before I could commit myself to making such a fool out of myself. It was beyond mortifying to sit here while the girl of my dreams was laughing her ass off at my horrible hair and music.

I tried to comfort myself with the knowledge that my hair was now my naturally reddish brown color and no hairspray had touched it in, oh, sixteen years. My t-shirt and jeans were comfortable and average, not overly stylized or decorated with sequins.

And there was no eyeliner in sight.

I pretended to find this just as funny as Bella did, but I was dying to shut the music off and distract her. She gasped and her head snapped up. "Oh my gosh, Edward! I just had the best idea!" she exclaimed with excitement in her eyes.

I was prepared to run. "Um, what?" I asked reluctantly.

She shut the music off and came over to bounce on the bed right next to me. "We should go to the 80s dance together, and you can dress up like that Eddie guy! I'll dress up like my mom or Madonna or something."

My eyes grew wide as I regarded her. "You're serious?"

She sat back and looked a little deflated. "Well, yeah. I mean, you don't _have _to go with me or anything...I just thought it would be fun," she said, starting to sound disappointed.

My chest clenched and I felt horrible. "I'd love to," I told her quietly.

Her happiness was back and I couldn't help but return her smile. She was staring at me so intently and I began to feel nervous. I wondered what was going on but I wasn't left to wonder for long, because she bent forward and placed her lips on mine in a tentative kiss.

I gasped and almost pulled back, but she came closer and I was lost in her delicate scent. I met her halfway and she opened her mouth a bit on mine. I wasn't going to let this come to an open-mouthed kiss because I didn't want to have her that close to my teeth, but she didn't leave me much of a choice. She wrapped her fragile arms around my neck and buried her hands in my hair as she threw herself into the kiss.

My self-control lost out and I tossed her back on the bed, ready to take everything I wanted without bothering to ask. I was doing just that when the thought occurred to me that I was no better than all those girls I'd been hounded by before I came here. I pulled back and felt like an asshole until Bella sat up, looking hurt. "Why'd you stop?" she asked sadly.

I grimaced and tried to adjust the painful erection now pressing against the zipper on my jeans. "Um, isn't your mom here?" I asked, feeling inspired.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever, she knows I've already had sex. I don't think she's going to come knocking down the door now."

I was shocked. "Oh."

She looked immediately embarrassed. "Oh! No! I mean, I _have _had sex, but I really like you, Edward, and I just wasn't thinking...Ugh!" she groaned as she buried her face in her hands.

I inched forward and pulled her hands off her face. "It's okay, Bella. I'm not a virgin, either..." I told her, trying to comfort her. I didn't like seeing her feel bad.

She peeked up at me. "You have?" I nodded.

Of course, there would be no way I was going to explain the first and last time I'd had sex was in 1917, when my uncle took me to a whorehouse so I could learn how to be a "man" in preparation for my eventual marriage.

It wasn't exactly something I could explain to a clueless girl here in 2002.

She grinned up at me with relief and I told her I had to go, because I wasn't sure I could control myself if I stayed this close to her right now. I had to get home and take care of this.

She walked me out to my car and I smiled down at her. She surprised me by leaning up and giving me a soft kiss. "So you'll still come to the dance with me tomorrow night?" she asked with hope shining in her eyes.

I nodded. "Of course," I said as I gave her a quick peck and climbed in my car.

Once I got home, I called my sister-in-law Alice. "Alice? It's Edward."

"Let me guess: you need me to come work my 80s magic so you can reincarnate Eddie the Bad Boy?" she asked with a devious smile I could hear through the phone.

I groaned. "Yeah, pretty much."

She laughed and I smiled. I loved my sister-in-law a lot, and I was really glad that she'd decided to make the change years ago. I knew Jasper would be lost if she'd grown old and died.

"Okay, we'll be there tomorrow morning," she said cheerfully.

We hung up and I decided to go take a shower so I could have a little alone time.

The next day was Friday, and the school was decorated for the 80s dance. Bella and I held hands under the table in the Biology lab, but we didn't kiss again until I walked her to her truck at the end of the school day. "I'll see you tonight," I said as she climbed in her truck.

She smiled and rolled the window down so she could kiss me through the opening. I pulled back before things could get too heated and watched her drive off.

With a heavy sigh, I headed to my house and greeted Alice and Jasper in the living room. Alice was surrounded by a bunch of bags and small boxes, and I recognized some of the things strewn over the couch. _Oh god_, _what was I getting myself into?_

She laughed at my look of dread and Jasper grinned sympathetically. "Hey, man. This is gonna be _hilarious_."

I shot him a dirty look and walked over to some of my old costumes. They were even worse in person than in the pictures I'd seen last night. I found my signature white glove and picked it up. "She's worth t though," I replied quietly.

Alice faked a swoon behind me and Jasper clapped me on the back. "Good. It's about damn time you found someone worth your time," he said with a relieved look.

I smiled and slipped the glove on. It felt strange. Alice pulled up a chair and patted it. "Have a seat, _Eddie_," she said with a wink and smile.

For the next hour, I was transformed into the pop superstar I'd been almost two decades ago. I was plucked, polished, and primped to the point that I wanted to call off the whole thing. I heard my phone beep and looked to see a text message from Bella letting me know what time to pick her up. I smiled to myself as Alice put the finishing touches on my make up. _Ugh_.

I looked in the mirror when she was done and felt my stomach plummet. I looked like a fool, just like I had back then. I was wearing tight black peg legged jeans, a black button-up shirt with white suspenders, and a white blazer. I had the keyboard tie and a black pork pie hat perched on the back of my head.

I examined the make up on my face and cringed. I had pink and turquoise stripes under my left eye and black eyeliner around my eyes. I looked like a cross between Boy George and Mike Score.

How the heck would Bella be attracted to me when I looked like this?

An hour later, I headed to Bella's house to pick her up for the dance. When her mother answered the door, she looked amazed. "Wow, Edward! You look _exactly _like Eddie from The Bad Boys! I can't believe it. I need to get a picture of you and Bella together!"

I stood in the foyer and waited for Bella to make her entrance while Renee ran to grab her camera. I didn't relish the idea of having yet another picture of my horrible fashion choices out there in the world, let alone in digital format.

All that was forgotten, however, when I saw Bella come down the stairs. She had on the pointed leather boots that stopped mid-calf and wore white lace leggings with a black tutu. She had a wide red belt around her waist and a black blouse buttoned halfway down and tied around her waist. Her hair was teased and crimped, and she had red lipstick with turquoise eye shadow for make up.

She looked adorable and I couldn't help the smile that broke out across my face. "Hey," I said when she reached the bottom of the stairs.

Bella gasped when she saw me. "Wow! You look _so awesome_!" she exclaimed as she danced over to me.

I laughed self-consciously and she hugged me tightly. Renee came in with her camera and snapped a few pictures of us before I pretended like we were going to be late. Bella waved as I led her to the Volvo and got her and her poofy tutu settled in the passenger seat.

When we got to the school, the gym was decked out with the typical streamers and balloons. Bella immediately pulled me out onto the dance floor and I tried not to get lost in the nostalgia of grooving to "Fascination" by The Human League.

The song changed and I busted out laughing. "This song isn't from the 80s," I stated as the opening beat to "Poison" started playing.

Bella stopped and rolled her eyes. "Don't be such a music stickler, _Eddie_. This song is hilarious!"

She turned around and grabbed my hands, placing them on her hips as she wiggled to the beat.

"_It's driving me out of my mind _

_That's why it's hard for me to find _

_Can't get it outta my head _

_Miss her, kiss her, love her, wrong move you're dead_

_That girl is poison"_

I tried to ignore the lust shooting through me as I watched her bend forward and press against me. Her arms wrapped around mine and she dropped her head back against my shoulder. She hummed along as the other kids around us danced like idiots.

She turned around and kissed me without any warning. "This song is making me kinda hot, Edward."

I was stunned. "Really? Bel Biv Devoe is doing it for you?" I asked with a smile.

She giggled. "Yeah, why don't we go somewhere?" she suggested as she ran a finger down my keyboard tie.

I had to swallow the venom that began pooling in my mouth at the thought of going somewhere alone with this girl.

At the moment, I was feeling less like the predator and more like the prey. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but I nodded and she grabbed my tie in her hand like a little vixen and began leading me off the dance floor.

Nobody around us noticed because Bobby Brown started up and people went nuts. I laughed and shook my head, recalling what a freaking mess Bobby Brown was even way back in the 80s when we met him.

Bella led me out the door of the gym and down the hall until we ended up in a girls' bathroom at the other end of the bottom floor of the school. She pushed the door open and pulled me in after her, and I wondered what she was up to. "Um, did you need to use the bathroom?" I asked awkwardly.

She laughed and shook her head. "You're too cute, Edward. That's why I like you so much."

I blinked in surprise as she bolted the door and turned back to me with a look of devious intent on her face. "I think it's time to _Push It_," she purred as she stalked towards me.

I was confused until I heard the heavy beat of the popular song pumping through the speakers down the hall. Bella reached me and gripped my suspenders in her hand, pulling me forward until I was pressed up against her. "Kiss me, Edward. I want you."

I hummed. "Bella, I don't think this is such a good idea. I could hurt you," I hedged as I started to get turned on.

Bella snickered. "I'm okay with that," she said with a lascivious wink.

I swallowed the venom and held my breath so I could think clearly. "I don't think you realize what I'm trying to say..."

Bella didn't seem worried in the slightest. In fact, it was like she was getting off on the danger of being caught in the girls' bathroom.

Too bad she didn't realize just how _much_ danger she was in with _me_.

At any moment, this could become too much and I would lose my control...and Bella was the kind of girl people would miss.

The kind of girl _I _would miss.

She was currently busy with kissing and licking down my neck, and I found it slightly ironic. I grasped her upper arms and pushed her away from me. "Bella, you need to listen. I'm not like you. I'm different. I've _been_ different since 1918..."

Bella looked at me with disbelief. "Okaaaaaaay, sure..."

I released a tiny growl of annoyance. "I'm serious. I'm a..."

She put her finger over my lips. "Unless you're gonna say that you don't want to be here with me, then I don't care what you are. I like _you_, Edward Cullen...whether you're a regular 18-year-old boy, an alien sent to reconnoiter Earth for your fellow settlers, or a Bad Boy from 1986 who has bad hair and a piano tie. Now take a page from Frankie and _relax_."

I just stood there and gaped at her. I was at a complete loss for words for the first time in 101 years. Bella didn't seem to mind, however, because she was already back to looking at me the way _I _should be looking at _her_: like I was something to eat.

I sighed. "You're right. Let's just pretend I'm a regular 18-year-old guy fooling around in the girls' bathroom during the school dance," I conceded with a grin.

Bella's laugh was bright and beautiful. "Now, that's _exactly _what you are doing."

Her soft lips met mine and I felt much more relaxed than I had before. I wondered if Bella would ever care to know the truth about me, but she'd probably figure it out sooner or later even if she never asked.

I made a conscious decision at that point to forget the fact that I had been a mopey vampire stuck in a pubescent body for the last eighty-four years or so; instead, I would try to enjoy myself with this girl who made me happy for the first time in an eternity spent alone.

Until now.

We stayed in the bathroom for the rest of the dance, kissing and talking. We discovered each other in those hours; we talked about our interests, our hopes, our hobbies, our favorite things. For once, I didn't feel the weight of a century pressing down on my back. Instead, I felt the exhilaration of being young and infatuated. Looking back on the decades I'd spent wandering the earth alone while I observed countless teenagers falling in love with each other, I could finally now understand how they could be so reckless and free with their hearts.

Bella's make up was smudged under her eyes and her lips were swollen, but her eyes were shining and her smile was luminous. I wondered if I looked the same, and Bella suddenly laughed. She reached out to rub her thumb under my left eye. "Your make up is smudged. You look like Kate Moss after a bender," she said with a sweet chuckle.

I grinned. "I guess we should get you home," I replied reluctantly. I stood up and located the soap dispenser on the wall between the sinks and pumped some into my hand. With the water on, I scrubbed my face and tried to remove all traces of the horrible make up. Bella stood by and watched with a bemused expression on her face. Once I'd gotten off as much as I could, she handed me a towel and grinned.

"Afraid your dad's gonna think he raised a sissy boy?" she quipped.

I smiled at her in the mirror. "No, I'm afraid of my sister-in-law. She was my 'stylist' tonight, and if she sees how I messed up her work, I'll never hear the end of it."

At the mention of Alice, Bella looked intrigued and impressed. "I'd like to meet this sister-in-law."

I shook my head as I tried to imagine Bella and Alice in the same room together. I'd likely never get a moment of peace again. "We'll see. In the meantime, let's get you home before your curfew."

I led her to the parking lot and helped her into the car before climbing behind the wheel. Once we hit the road to her house, she pulled down the visor and began inspecting her neck in the mirror. "What's wrong?" I asked.

She flipped the visor up and turned to me. "Just checking for hickies," she replied with a mischievous grin.

I laughed. "Oh, Bella, please believe me when I say that you'd _know _if I gave you a hickey."

"Hmm," she said as if lost in thought. She then reached a hand out and brushed her fingers over the back of my neck and up into my hair. I shivered and tried to remind myself that I couldn't pull the car over and give in to the raging teenage hormones pulsing through me at the moment.

"Oh, I was just wondering who you are," she responded airily.

It as probably too late to explain it to her tonight, so I just turned to her and grinned. "Who, me? Oh, I'm just a..._Bad Boy_," I said with a wink.

**A/N: Wow! So my first vamp fic, and my first fic without lemons. What a departure for me, eh? I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it:) Leave me looooooove! **

Songs used or referred to in this story:

"**Push It" by Salt'n Pepa**

"**Poison" by Bel Biv Devoe**

"**Every Little Step You Take" by Bobby Brown**

"**Fascination" by The Human League**

"**Relax" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood**

**Songs I listened to for inspiration:**

"**Hangin' Tough" by New Kids on the Block**

"**Do Me" by Bel Biv Devoe**

"**Grab It!" and "Better Yet" by L'Trimm**


End file.
